A quick guide on how to start thinking like a leader

Hi! 

Whilst I'm certainly no expert and not trying to be some know-it-all here, this was some thing of a cheat sheet I created for up and coming leaders, as part of a development plan to serve as a bit of guidance.

They are a few tried, tested and proven successful items that have worked in mostly all situations and industries, via not only myself but with a few of the leaders I've worked with and developed through the years. You'll probably know and use some (or all) of them already.

If you do see any value, please pass these on to anyone who might be working through any leadership development.

Before getting into the list, the below statement is something I suggest you grab hold of and try to keep to. It will help guide your team through your own actions, and as a prod to yourself.

"EVERYDAY HAS TO BE BETTER THAN AVERAGE"

Whilst it doesn't sound all that inspirational, its enough of a statement to keep you trying, to keep you reaching for something better. Try it, see how it goes for you.

Now the list;

1. Have a clear plan on what success looks like for you as a person
2. Be passionate / positive – your state of mind will affect your teams state of mind and action
3. Be the calm in the eye of any storm – teams need surety and stability to operate effectively during a crisis
4. Execute – get stuff done. Finish lines are important.
   
5. Be a constant learner
6. The little things for your team mates "DO" matter, often even when they say they don't.
   
7. Create confidence as a leader with your employees
1. Be proactive through thought, awareness and action
2. Actively collaborate – ensure you involve everyone
3. Keep a solid positive connection
4. Be transparent where possible – build trust
8. Empathy is a genuine super power. It enables the ability to see things "brewing" before they become negative. Empathy also allows you to better connect with your people, vital for when [insert bad word here] hits the fan, and just as important when things are going great 
   
9. Don't dismiss your gut instincts – if nothing else, they should be a call for you to be more curious of whatever triggered them.
10. Be a clear communicator – what, why, how, when. Especially when dealing with the next point.
    
11. Be good at change management. It is all about ensuring there are no real surprises that frighten, concern or start people making up their own ideas. Lead people in the direction you need to them to be open minded about, or perk their curiosity weeks in advance of any changes you are looking to implement. That way, when the change eventually has to be introduced, it is accepted a lot easier.
12. Set strategic goals for yourself and those who report to you – ensure alignment to greater dept. and business goals. Utilise and teach ground level, 2,000 ft., 5,000 ft., 10,000 ft. and 30,000 ft. approaches/thinking to see and deal with potential disruptors and opportunities for success / profit
13. Understand how everything "fits" together from dept. to wider business. Where does your business start, what transitions through it (both in and out) and where it finishes
14. In relation to point 13, also know where YOU fit in the business, what is the role you play, what can you bring to the team you run, to the depot you work in, to the business as a whole and write them down. This can serve as a reminder on your journey. 
    
15. Be curious at all times. Ask all the questions. Better to ask the question, than hide you don't know and end up getting caught out.
16. Understand who the key stakeholders of your dept. and business actually are. Meet them.
    
17. Honesty and integrity are a leaders greatest assets. Make these your greatest traits. Instill them in others when teaching / mentoring
    
18. Know you don't have to know everything. A good leader can coach, guide and empower and improve a team's outputs, emotional state, all without being able to do the actual role their team does. Understand how it all works, and ensure you have key people who do the actual work, so they can explain to you any challenges that may affect the team etc that you then address where applicable. This is key to empowering your team. They become the expert in their role.
    
19. Be authentic – it is better to be yourself than pretend to be someone you are not. You can adapt and learn and change, but YOU stays the same. Understand who YOU are.
1. Ikigai [google it] and WHY journeys are important
20. Understand what the business expects of you and those you lead. When unsure, ask. When no guidance, refer to points 1, 9, 10 and 12
21. Treat all people with respect, from the CEO to the cleaner of the toilets. Everyone has a story, everyone has dreams, and everyone has opinions and suggestions. You only have to ask them and be curious. Some of the greatest cost savings and innovations for businesses have come from the lowest ranked person in organisations.
22. Develop strong people systems
23. Develop and clarify strong process systems
24. Be innovative. Drive innovation from within your teams.
25. Do what you say you're going to do.
26. Frustration and anger are not tools of an effective leader – teams need consistency in emotional content and throughout business
27. In conjunction with point 21, it is important to be seen as human. Wherever possible, humanise yourself. Share about your personal life, tell people about your story, be okay with showing vulnerability – these are the things that will endear you to your team, create trusting bonds and long lasting solid professional relationships
    

So there are a few solid ones to begin with. Please add in your own ones and share in the comments section below. I know there are a few of you who read these and it would be good to get some of these things shared around.

In the meantime, have a great day and a great journey :)

Darren

 

Been thinking.

Been thinking a bit. Had to share. Warning: Bit wordy.

So kinda wish I had the answers for how to stamp out racism, hate crimes and oppression, or that at least someone out there does. And then everyone around the world understood how to too, and would then stop all this dumb shit. I’m not writing this to be “current” or topical, I just have thoughts I need to get out. Read on if you want.

So for years - usually after being involved with helping someone through a work or personal crisis - I’ve tried to imagine what it must be like to be prejudged, just because of your skin colour, race, sexuality, intelligence, sex or any other prejudices. Have always been empathetic and compassionate with those actually affected, but I really don’t know their journey, how it actually is for them. I’m no expert, I’m male, straight, middle aged, middle class (although not always) and white, so any issues I’ve felt have been minor comparatively, and based off either reactions to my own behaviours or because of a reputation that preceded me. Nothing to do with where/what I was born or anything. No one died. So all my experience has been secondhand.

After seeing impacts - perhaps naively - have then always wished that people didn’t treat others like this [read: victimise/put down/abuse/kill] but the entrenched haters seem to keep coming on strong with their fears to focus and feed on. Can’t stop them. Have fought a few, but that never changed anything either. In some cases, I became guilty by association. Plus, violence is seldom an answer to much.

Then, because I couldn’t change anyone, I think it’d be great to be able to soothe the injuries suffered by those persecuted too, so that they could take weight off their shoulders and could walk tall again. That shit must be a heavy, heavy burden. Generations affected. But again, I don’t know how to fix that either. I also know it’s not on my shoulders to fix, but whose should it be on? Is it all of us? Please note, this isn’t some political thing either. This is a human thing. It should be made better.

I’m also sick of hearing about Trump on the global stage, getting away with bullshit that no one could find acceptable unless they’re part of the problem, feeding and sustaining it. I’m not an American voter so can’t fix that by voting him out. I also can’t “take him out” or impact him in any way, apart from the time he blocked me from his twitter account because I sent him a pic of a Trump toilet brush and made references to lots of poo. His lack of empathy and ability to lead is sickening and his overflowing amount of self service and lies are frightening. But racism didn’t start with Trump. He’s just the latest nasty spokesperson. And people all over the world are being influenced.

Just as worrying, is the amount of people a lot closer to home, who think they’re blameless in all this, yet who agree, act and feed the same dark bullshit ideals. They either hide behind twisted religious righteousness, blatant chauvinism or arrogance to play the victim or deflect when they get called out, when in actuality, their views are frighteningly aligned with Trump and the hundreds of years of hatred, seemingly bred out of lack of understanding and compassion. Or just because they’re assholes. And they’re here in NZ.

Now, whoever has some answers to actually help all this, please do something soon, maybe teach everybody. See, I’m not some tree hugging do-gooder, I’m just some guy who is tired of negative views aimed at others with long reaching shitty consequences, all for zero good reasons. And I see it escalating. I’m sure I’m not alone either. Fair is way better than fear, and without racism etc, life would be a lot nicer and safer for future generations.

And to those of you who read this far and are thinking about negative run in’s you’ve had with members of different races and are now justifying your negative views, you think just because of those times, that you should hate them all? Because of a few of that race? Ask yourself: Do you do the same with your own race when you have run in’s with them too? Twist your views on your own colour/race/etc does it? I’ll bet no. Then why do it based on skin colour, huh? It’s like hating all oranges and trying to turn the world against oranges because you saw a rotten one once, without ever trying one for your self.

I’m sure we all have to do something more to change this shit (more than just throw up a black square and a hashtag). Thing is, Black lives DO matter. And to be clear, this statement doesn’t lessen any other group’s shitty situation. I figure let’s start with helping sort this one (and when I say this one, I mean our problem since this is a human screw up), then move to the next, to eventually and hopefully stamp it all out. Naive probably, but I reckon we have to try.

In the meantime - until someone way smarter than me can help make a difference - I’m just going to keep treating everyone as the individuals they are, with my standard “I don’t give a flying shit what colour your skin is, what your sexuality is, be you man or woman, young or old, where you come from, or anything else” because none of that matters to how I view you. Those things don’t and shouldn’t define you. The only things that can impact how I’ll interact with you, will be if you’re a good person who doesn’t profit off the misery or put downs of others, or if you’re not. Be nice. Don’t be a dick. Do yourself and your family proud. Seems real simple. Really hope I’m on the right track. But there’s no way to be sure. Staying optimistic and embracing more solidarity.

Ok, all over. Hope you ate and drank at regular intervals

HOW TO: Change the way you think

Welcome back :) Good to see you! Nice shirt. Looks good.

So, I was off work for a full week, a few weeks back, and had a bit of time to think about what kind of advice I wish I had been given, things that might be of help to you.

A big one I remembered, was just how important self talk can be in your day-to-day activities, and how well it can address the way you view life, both positive and negative.

Now, this isn't that unusual thing that some do when they stare meaningfully into their bathroom mirror and tell themselves about how the Universe will provide them something, just because they're saying it out loud, no.

This is all about how you tell yourself something, not the actual what. No mirrors involved.

Let me clarify some, with an example.

What if, instead of saying to yourself on a typical Monday morning or after a long work day prior:

"I have to go to work today",

you changed that around, and said:

"I get to go to work today"

The difference might not seem like much, but the change it could have, could be significant. Feeling grateful is a powerful mind-set changer whereas feeling like you have no control, often does the opposite. Have to versus Get to. I know which one I prefer.

Self talk like this, has the ability to bring about change in the way you see your challenges, but only if you give it a go.

Think about it. What if every time you need to go do something you're hesitant about or not looking forward to, perhaps like mowing the lawns on a hot day, going to a party you think might be boring, clean the house, be part of a project when you're already busy or do a task you weren't looking forward to, you took this approach?

Could it turn out better than you first thought? Yes, it could!

Could you doing it with more enthusiasm help? Yes, it could!

What if then, after you'd done whatever it was, you made sure to look reflectively at the event afterward with the same positivity too? What do you think you would find?

For instance as starters;

Mowed the lawns - look how great they look with them done!

Boring party - wasn't boring, actually had a great time! Or it was 100% boring, and you were right!

Clean the house - look how clean it is now! Proud of the result!

Project when you're busy - empowered by the input you had, things you learnt, greater exposure to the business, things you could take back to your team. Sure, it was hard, but was it worth it? In some way, it would have been. It's all about how you look at it.

Task you weren't looking forward to - now its completed!

By saying "I get to..." and looking at how things went afterward, its all about celebrating the positives. You'll embrace traits such as feeling grateful and begin feeling more self-confident, plus build resilience to negative situations and people.

This approach really seems like a much better way of succeeding at removing stress, anxiety, the "sigh" factor or even hesitancy too, much more than you ever would have by continuing to say "I have to...", right?

Plenty of people will tell you to live in the moment more or stop to smell roses all to avoid stress/anxiety/depression etc, or a myriad of other self-help things all in the interest of bringing more happiness and peace into your life. After all, it's what we all strive for in one way or another.

Whilst they will all work in their own ways, I think this one may help too and is often faster in helping you. It's only swapping out a word in your head, right?

Only way to know for sure? Try it.

Have a great day!

Leadership blog - make sure you check it out!

As a few of you will already know, over the past 20+ years, I have been building up tried and tested advice backed up with experience to better support and help you in your journey. This is not only in the personal sense, but also in the professional one.

Take a look on the right hand side of this page and you'll see the link to the Business blog as below.

Feel free to suggest any items you would like to see covered on this blog and I'll do my best to assist.

Have a great day :)

Distinguished Gentleman's Ride 2018! And the preparation begins!

It's that time of year again! 

Where I - and hundreds of thousands of other riders around the world - grab our dapper gear, polish up our bikes and start telling anyone who will listen about this charity.

As a principal organiser for the Tauranga chapter for the 3rd or 4th year in a row, the benefits of why you should donate to this worthy cause are well known.

Create more mental health programmes for those who need it and pump up the research to wipe out prostate cancer in our lifetime.

30th of September is our ride day globally so please donate before then :)

https://www.gentlemansride.com/fundraiser/dazleggatt

Ride on, ride dapper.

Darren

Distinguished Gentlemens Ride (DGR) 2017

Another year done and dusted! And wow! What a ride!

Damian and I managed to organise an amazing day, many hours spent, with over $11,400 raised to go to the Movember foundation to help with men's mental health and prostate cancer.

Thanks to all 146 of you riders who turned up, and a huge thanks to everyone who either donated money in support or their time to get this ride off the ground.

Humble thanks. Was great the weather was kind this year too!

Click this link to see the interview of Damian and I and video of all the bikes.
http://m.sunlive.co.nz/news/163327-distinguished-dapper-and-dashing-riders.html

 

Men's mental and physical health and suicide prevention

The world found out that the 18th May 2017 marked the day that a legendary rock musician - who I, like so many others have followed and been amazed by his vocal talents and song writing abilities - had taken his own life after on-going battles with drugs, booze and depression.

Rock radio stations are dedicating entire days to his music, social media is alive with his name and kind words.

Chris Cornell - Soundgarden and Audioslave front-man - has gone. 

Reports all say he hung himself in a hotel room. Apparently there was no warning, no cries for help, he had just finished another successful concert in Detroit. 

He leaves behind a wife, three kids, close friends, fans and an amazing charity foundation that developed projects and programs with leading charitable organisations and partners raising awareness and mobilising support for children facing tough challenges including homelessness, poverty, abuse and/or neglect. 

This guy seemed to have it all together - and perhaps that's a HUGE warning to the rest of us.

As such a longtime fan, I saw him at Soundwave in Brisbane. He was the epitome of rock-god cool, a genuine connection to the crowd and a vocal range that easily took in 4 octaves. He, Myles Kennedy (Alterbridge) and Mike Patton (FNM) have always been vocalists I have aspired to sing like but can never quite get there, the awe around their talent and hard-earned skill impressive to say the least.

But with all of those things outwardly going for him, he was human just like the rest of us. 

Whilst I luckily cant understand what it takes to drive someone to those depths, or the emotional turmoil that could be strong enough to push someone so far beyond help that for them, there can be no way back, it does raise serious action points for all of us to consider.

When was the last time you "checked in" with those around you? Just to make sure they were okay?

When was the last time you looked at someone you know and consider successful and asked if everything is okay with them?

When was the last time you just took time out from your busy life, just to look around and see if you can identify someone who might need some help? Look beyond the facade's that everyone puts up?

Consider people you don't know too. Where is the harm in tweeting someone famous or well known that has somehow given you the vibe that they might not be alright? Or just contact them out of the blue and write a heartfelt "you are amazing" message to them. 

As human beings, do you really think they manage to ignore every single negative tweet, FB post or magazine article written about them?

If they are hiding their depression as so may creative people do, how easy do you think it will be for them when they read the real harsh/nasty stuff on the internet about them? Think you could cope if the roles were reversed? Employ some empathy. 

I would like to think we could all cope if given the circumstances, but the truth is probably quite a leap from that, no pun intended.

So here is the call to action.

As part of the Distinguished Gentlemen’s Ride where we try to raise awareness for men’s mental health and prostate cancer, the biggest gaps seems to be openness and inactivity.

There will always be the tragedies like Chris Cornell (and others not at all famous) but still dealing with issues they can’t get past. There will always be those who leave without warning, those who have put up years’ worth of the facade that no one got to see behind. 
I wish there weren’t any people like them, but the truth is different.

But we can make a difference, you and I.

And it’s not that hard to do. Two words we need to follow and act upon – 

“Pay Attention”

What do I mean? 

Pay attention to everyone around you. Pay attention to yourself.

Pay attention to things that might seem irrelevant initially, but might not be so irrelevant to someone else.

Pay attention to peoples expressions. It’s true that the eyes have it. Take a look, see if there is anything of concern there. If you can’t see anything, ask them.

Pay attention to things that people say/write/do – listen more than talk. It’s amazing what you can discover and the impact you can have on someone who just needs to have someone pay attention to them, sometimes when they don’t realise it themselves.

Pay attention to your environment and make a difference. Take an active part in the world, try to feel for those you come into contact with, regardless of whether they are famous or not. Everyone is human. Treat them that way.

Open your heart and get it done. You know you can. All you need to do is try.

To Vicky Cornell, their children, their family and all the children they have helped through their foundation, but also to everyone who has ever lost someone to suicide, on behalf of everyone worldwide, we offer our deepest, heartfelt condolences and offers of support to you. Our thoughts are with you. We wish we could help, just give you a hug whenever you needed one, let you know you are connected, supported more than you know.

Suicide needs to be addressed and the support in place for those left behind.

If you're reading this post - please pay attention. Then do something. I don't think its too much to ask. 

Chris Cornell (born Christopher John Boyle)

July 20th, 1964 - May 18th, 2017

NZ helplines (all 24hrs)

NZ Lifeline - 0800 543 354 

Suicide Crisis Helpline - 0508 828 865 

Youthline - 0800 376633 

Kidsline - 0800 543754 

Whatsup - 0800 9428787  

Depression Hotline - 0800 111757

Take care of yourselves and others.

Darren

Audioslave - Be Yourself
Audioslave - Like A Stone
Soundgarden - Black Hole Sun
Soundgarden - The Day I Tried To Live

The DGR - the Distinguished Gentleman's Ride - September 24th 2017 Sunday

Hi all!

Well, it might seem like I'm being a little preemptive in this "hey, time to get yourself ready for for the worldwide sensation of the DGR" given we're only in April, but I figured that if I alert you now, you'll have time to get that iron ride of yours out of the garage, cleaned up, off to the mechanics, order in the parts etc so you can have it ready.

For those of you here in Tauranga, looks like I'm going to be the principal organiser this year so will be gathering up everyone that can lend a hand, setting up a few meetings and seeing if we can't make this one better than anyone's prior.

Remember, this ride is to prevent our fellow men from taking their own lives, to raise awareness that yes, we men feel pressure and can experience a range of mental problems too, and to also shine the light on Prostate Cancer and get men along to their doctors for check ups.

If you want to join me, or just want to sign up to start working on those around you and gather up some funds for this great charity, click the link below.

The time to make a real difference has arrived.  

http://www.gentlemansride.com/ - sign up here

Distinguished Gentleman's Ride 2016 YouTube

And a newspaper article from last years ride, I'm the one in black with the Ducati. :{D

Click the image for a read.

Talk again soon.

Darren

Triple filter test - how to handle gossip

Hi! Welcome back. 

Here is something I found on the internet for those of you who often have to deal with gossip. 

In ancient Greece (469 – 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?”
“Wait a moment,” Socrates replied. “Before you tell me, I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Test of Three.”
“Test of Three?”
“That’s correct,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my student let’s take a moment to test what you’re going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”
“No,” the man replied, “actually I just heard about it.”
“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?”
“No, on the contrary…”
“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him even though you’re not certain it’s true?”
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued, “You may still pass though because there is a third test – the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?”
“No, not really…”
“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”
The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more…

So the next time you feel the need to speak about anyone, ask yourself first; Is it true? Is it good? Is it useful?

"You staunch bro?"

This post is more for those of you with a more "hardened/staunch" perspective on healthcare, generally your own. Has a lot to do with the Distinguished Gentlemen's Ride for prostate Cancer and Mental Health I try to help organise looming on the horizon again (Sept 27th). People will recognise your staunch-ness from 100m away, you're the ones who make statements like "awh nah bro, she'll be right", "Ooo yuck, feelings…" and "Nah, its all good, ain't serious.". 

Maybe you are one, or perhaps know one. Sheesh, I used to be one myself. Still fight the urge from time to time. But if you are one, please read on. I have a couple of things you should probably hear.

Right. I hate to break it to you buddy, but its time you listened up, spoke up and got help if you're trying to handle stuff that you know you can't. Emotional stuff. Mental illness type stuff. Stuff you're not coping with. Being that kind of "staunch" ignoring your challenges is no longer the way to go.

There is a new "staunch" in town and its far better for you, will look better on you and will gain you more respect than the old way would have. Its also braver and harder (read: makes you tougher) than what the word used to mean.

Welcome to 2017.

To start with (and not to take away from stuff you might be dealing with), have you ever had a moment where you went "Okay. This could be bad...I don't know what to do here..."?

You know, one of those times when it seemed the walls were closing in, doubt turned up and everything started annoying or hurting you, and there you are, refusing to admit anything or in a position where you are WAY outside your comfort zone with no idea on what to do next. Would have been one of the times when you dived headfirst into lock-down and closed everyone out. You know. Tryin' to be "staunch".

Sound familiar? Yeah, thought so. You closed down because you refused to deal with whatever it was or is, or maybe you just couldn't.

That "staunch" attitude you're so proud of or grew up with seeing people you respected displaying, doesn't and most likely won't ever help you. Even amongst others doing that same old staunch thing.

Now, if the answer to a question about "how serious is the stuff I'm dealing with right now?", is VERY serious, then you have a huge opportunity to try out this new definition of being "staunch". Step one is to book an appointment with a counsellor. Pretty much every single counsellor will be well trained to deal with any difficulties you might have in expressing yourself.

So whilst you go off and book that appointment, might help to understand what the old "staunch" one is about. In my opinion, it is actually built on three primary things.

1. Fear of looking / feeling weak / embarrassment

2. Lack of ability to talk about stuff

3. Inability to understand own feelings

Both 1 and 2 have always fed each other, just like a snake eating its tail. Cant overcome the fear because you don't have the ability to deal with stuff, cant deal with the stuff because you have too much fear. Point three just makes it worse.

Here's where it gets interesting for you, my staunch friend.

In order to deal with the 3 points, you actually need to harden up. 

Yup. I just said that. Sting a little bit, did it? Thought you were hard or tough already? Got news for you. You're not. And what's even more surprising, that fact is actually 100% okay. In fact, it's more than okay.

Accepting the fact that you're not as hard/staunch/tough as you have been portraying is the first step toward getting a handle on stuff. Its time to be okay dealing with feelings and growing personally (and likely professionally too). Keeping yourself on lock down is the same as doing something negative – it won't help you no matter what the situation you're in that you can't handle.

The kind of hard as detailed in the above 3 points, is a false staunch. It is a lack of understanding, a lack of being able to express yourself and a lack of ability to deal with fear. 

See, feelings aren't dumb, weak, useless, or even embarrassing. Everybody has them, like a pulse. By acknowledging them and not burying them, you get a chance to understand them and therefore, yourself. Doing that gives confidence, some peace, a better understanding of how to handle things in the future.

Wouldn't that be better than how you handle stuff now?

I dare you to put aside any bravado you might have (because we both know that's just a mask for fear of talking about stuff) and make an appointment with a counsellor if there is something you're not handling too well.
Trust me when I say that it is epic-ally braver and stronger to open up and talk about things you're struggling with, than it is to try and ignore them.

Do brave, staunch people bury their heads in the sand to avoid stuff?

The answer is the same you'd give if asked "do tough guys look at explosions after they caused them?". 

No, staunchness-Mc-staunch. 

They don't. 

Tough guys and girls (and undefined) get in, get stuff done and walk away again. Cool as. What you don't get - until now - is that this is exactly what going to a counsellor is like. 

Get in, get stuff done, walk out. Cool as.

The supposed stigma attached to asking for help and getting it (let's be honest, especially if you're a guy – ask for directions anyone?) is everywhere in popular culture, but it's not right. Movies don't tell real life. Real life does. 

Consider the following.

Why do you think its dumb to ask for help when you can't sort stuff that actually matters? 

Do you think that makes you weak? Less of a man/woman/person?

If you think that, definitely check out what I have to say next.

If the alternator in your car is busted, do you fix it/get it fixed?

Yes. Cant go far unless you're planning on pushing it next time you stop.  

What about when the blade on your lawnmower is blunt and needs sharpening? Do you keep mowing the lawns cutting less and less each time, until you're eventually just pushing around a noisy hunk of useless machine annoying the neighbours and wasting all your time?

No, of course not. That'd be stupid, right? You fix it or get it fixed.

Closer to topic, got a bad, bad headache or a high fever. You ignore them?

No, egg if you did. You take medicine…and then you feel better.

So why then, do you think looking after yourself by going to a counsellor, has to be any different?

​Right. Fess up time. 

Have I been to see a counsellor? Yup, absolutely. 

Couple of times now throughout my life. Helped me. A lot. Needed my head put back on straight when I couldn't do it myself. No shame in it. Life can knock everybody down at some stage. Counsellors were able to provide me with some insight as to my various situations and provide me with some tools I needed to get it together. And I did. 

Just like taking panadol for a headache or taking my lawnmower to the lawnmower shop.

Now consider the fact I've been trained to be tough, kickboxing, streetfighting, brutal. I'm supposed to be hard. Does that make me weak or less of a man for getting help? Hell no. If anything, made me stronger. MUCH stronger. Often gives me the opportunity to flick the fingers up to the world and say 

"Ha! You couldn't break me!"

Counselling can do that for you too, but only if you're "new staunch" and "hard" enough to go. 

Even Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson has all this figured out. 

I already know you can do this (since you come here to read these posts), you just need to know you can and that new staunch is the way to aim. 

It is seriously as simple as changing your definition of the word/attitude. John Kirwan (aka J.K. – a legendary All Black and more lately super 14 coach – admitted dealing with heavy depression throughout his All Black days and afterward, even opened up publicly about the topic, faced the advertisements on where to go and how to get help. ​Brave. Admitted he struggled. But he got help and is sorted.

So...if he can handle the jandal and go get himself help as someone famous AND as an ex All Black…what's your excuse again?

Be that kind of a legend. Be that kind of staunch, like John (J.K.) Kirwan, not the staunch you were before you started reading this. Don't be that snake eating its own tail. 

Ask for help. Brave it up. You CAN do it, no matter how tired you feel or how hurt you might be. Never give up. 

You'll thank yourself for booking an appointment (and going to it) and so will those who care about you. If you have already sought help, got it and you're out through the tunnel where its brighter, back me up on here. Tell them that haven't opened up and been yet, how it helped you. 

If just one staunch person reads your words and goes to get assistance, what a great day that will be, don't you reckon? 

Spread the word. Get the help. Open up.

Daz

Attitude - it can be your saving grace

​Hi there, 

This is a post I wrote up way back in July 2014 for both my workplace and for here, but its now become timely to bring it back for a second viewing. 

Bit of a disclaimer to start with. 

Topics I cover here in these posts are simply personal observations and are not intended to be professional counselling, condescending or upsetting, they are simply things I sometimes cover in one on one sessions with staff/peers or mentoring I do outside of work, that people down through the years have found helpful. To be clear - this is not some narcissistic attempt to gain fame or be "all that" and push my profile either. I simply have a helpful nature. 

These posts come about from increasing periods of seeing rough times friends, acquaintances and even strangers are going through, coming across the occasional sad articles and/or seeing close friends, family and other people struggling with things they haven't been able to get their heads around. Being able to provide a kind word, a bit of advice when asked for, or just a friendly ear, I've learnt from history, can make a difference. So thats what these posts are. 

You and I both know - tough times are tough times. No one is a stranger to them. I figured having a couple of places where someone is giving you some support/back-up to get you back on track might be good - hence this blogspot site. It's name is very similar to an old Japanese saying (which I reference to MANY times and will likely be my next tattoo) which speaks to underdog / fighter in all of us;

That all said and disclaimer all done, feel free to read on....

"Attitude is always your saving grace" 

Like everyone who is reading this knows, yep, life can deliver a few hard knocks, get a bit frustrating or just get you tired of being tired. Maybe you haven't had a holiday for a while due to circumstances beyond your control. End of the year can sometimes have this affect too - you've put in 12 months and worked hard, exhausted. 

Similarly starts of the year can weigh in like pro-fighters with fists the size of your face as well. Add to that deaths, divorces, dramas, break-ups, teenager issues, smaller children acting like teenagers, work problems etc and all of sudden, it can feel like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders whilst riding on a 4 x G-force roller coaster. 

Needless to say, sometimes these pressures can build up (see what I did there?) and both big and small annoyances can feel like mountains in no time flat.

But there is some good news - in just about all cases.

Like the post about "okay-wise-guy, how-do-i-stop-getting-annoyed?", if you were able to stop and look around, take a few calming breaths, plus deliberately alter how you are viewing things by challenging yourself, mountains CAN get smaller. Even if only by a millimetre or two. But a millimetre is a millimetre, right? Its an improvement.

Often people who care about you, will act as catalysts by kicking you in the ass when needed, offering you support you didn't know you had,or maybe you'll just read something that will pick you up just enough to help. All o​f these things can allow you to see differences in your day that you couldn't see when you were upset/angry/frustrated. 

Its 100% true that anger and fear both cloud judgement.

But you can change all that. 

And like the title states, with attitude.

But how? 

Well, for everyone it's different, but here are a few things to get you started.

i) Lame as it sounds, you could tell yourself "I'm in control of how I'm going to handle this" - just dont do this in a mirror. That's weird.

ii) In any situation where you are feeling anxious/afraid/stressed out/annoyed - take a few calming breaths – oxygen is your friend. Just don't over do it. Breathe normally. Focus on it.

iii) Take a step back mentally (and physically if you need to) to get an objective/less stressful look at where you're at, even where others are at.

iv) Often the key to taking anxiety out of a situation is to ask questions to find out more. Knowing what you're dealing with is better than guessing. "Fear of the unknown" is a common problem - so fix it and ask so its not as unknown anymore.

v) Be brutally honest with yourself - try to analyse "why" you might feel the way you do about things - may not be the reason you thought. Did you fail to prepare? Do you still have time? Prepping is more important than you realise.

vi) Make a no-nonsense plan with how you're going to deal with the cause/s with how you will react - either physically or mentally – the actual cause make no difference. Again, you're deciding how you're going to handle this, how you are going to react.

vii) "Attack" your own negativity/fear/anxiety. These things will breed given half the chance. Remember - you're choosing how to react - I can't state this enough - it really is your choice.

viii) Act positively - do what you planned to do - you're taking your own power back from the situation/mood that took it away. No matter how bad the situation might appear to be, its on you to try and improve it for yourself.

...And surprisingly all these things can literally take seconds to work through.

Now I'm not saying you should be Mr or Ms (Miss, Mrs etc) Positivity or over the top prepared because ridiculously positive people generally get high fives…..to the face…..with chairs…..

...but a little internal positivity can go a long way.

And once you get into the habit, changing your attitude and the way you view situations can get easier.

Clear heads see clear things.

So wrapping this up, hopefully this has made a bit of sense and perhaps it has helped. Attitude can keep you safe, can be a powerful line of defence when you need one and can change the way you view the world around you.

Either way, just remember, aside from looking after yourself and gettin' your own head on straight, consider the picture below. 

Not only do you need to look after your own attitude, but spare a thought for how your own might be impacting on others. Attitudes connect and have the ability to grow with those around you. Give it a shot, and good luck. 

So yeah, post over. Thanks again for coming by. Feel free to offer any helpful suggestions you might have, that may be helpful for any of the others who come by for a read, there seems to be a fair few of you lot these days based on the stats. We're up around 6,000 regular readers by the looks of it, of them, you are one. I appreciate you stopping by so often. 

#googlestatsarecool #trustinyourselfyoucandoit #strongerthanyourealise #yougotthis #DLTBGYD

Daz