Perspective.

Like I've said in many other posts prior to this...

As in life, the above pic illustrates that sometimes what something looks like, isn't what it actually is.

Today's post is all around interpersonal relationships you have within the teams you're in.

Working so closely with people can occasionally create friction between you and another, sometimes the results can be difficult and involve some kind of managerial intervention - none of which anyone wants.

So why am I bringing perspective and interpersonal relationships up in the same sentences?

Well, hopefully you've already read my posts on dealing with conflict and a few of the other insights I have offered up on awareness.

If this is true, then you'll understand why my inclusion of perspective is more about what YOU'RE seeing around YOU than what others are.

If you haven't read any of the other posts and you are struggling with either one or many of your working relationships, please take some time to go back over some of my old posts. Fingers crossed what I've put together back there will help you when you get back.

For the rest of you, take that handbrake off, we're gonna need a bit more speed if we're ever gonna make the 720 spin on the gravel n grass up here....

So your own perspective is the bit you're responsible for, not anyone elses'. Make sense? Yes. Easy.

What you may not be considering during these interactions that are pushing your blood pressure up, is your....starts with a "P".....anyone....no, its not Pinot Noir.....no it's not "Poison" either...it's "Perspective".

Your perspective should always been your first consideration when struggling with someone you work with, be in your team or outside of it. But how and why?

Pedal down and consider the following statements;

1. Are you getting frustrated with this person based on something they did a long time ago and are "colouring" all their current and future interactions with you with that same brush?

2. Does your frustration/anger actually have anything to do with this person? Or is it you? Do they remind you of someone else who drives you up the wall?

3. Does this person have any idea that what they're doing is affecting you so badly? If they did, might they stop doing it?

4. Has that person been shown that way to do something by someone else and there's a good reason for it that you might not know?

5. How are you feeling? Tired, sad, angry. Write down a list of why then ask how important the things on your list actually are.

6. What's going on for you that might be clouding your views of the situation?

7. Do you think the stress you're under is caused by what's going on around you? Or is it you creating it for yourself?

Slap on the handbrake and turn the wheel hard left.

These are just a very quick few questions designed to challenge how you're viewing the world around you, give you a full 180 feedback back toward yourself and can give you another spin on an "eyes open" on how you're interacting with that person (or people) that's getting up your nose.

Perception and how you use it can be a great diffuser for your stresses and for how you view any situation you find yourself in too - it goes hand in hand with attitude.

So like I said earlier - sometimes what things can look like, sometimes just are not what you thought they were...its just the way you're looking at them that's giving you the stress or frustration you're feeling.

 Now as a further illustration on perception, here's a classic one for you.

To any of you Sons Of Anarchy fans...yeah...

...this might sting a little...​

Have a great day.

The Wolf.

Reading the above, you cant help but have a look around at both your friends and family and yourself, right? 

Tell me, which one are you feeding the most?

Parody Song - College Humour

Great song and video - very clever.

Sense Of Entitlement - Quit it

I'm not one for horoscopes but had a look at this one today and read this, thought I'd share.

Now I agree with this one - Entitlement is a disease. And yes, like most of the nice people I know, I do prize humility and modesty (and humour and honour and empathy etc) in my life. 

I have been down that cruddy rabbit hole where entitlement and negativity ruled but thankfully, I managed to get out, brush myself off from the stank and am way better off for it. 

Now this entitlement I'm referring to is not your “I am entitled to medical care because I have medical insurance” or “I paid for that, so now I should receive it” type of entitlement either, oh no.

This is the “I deserve what you have regardless of what you have done, doing, act etc to get it” sense of entitlement.  It’s this one I have a real problem with. It's so often born out of a nasty personality and deep seated in jealousy.

Now the reason I don’t like it so much is because it’s unfortunately affected so many good people I know and have known.

I have seen truly great people, people I care about, get messed about by being surrounded by self-serving selfish people who choose drama as their choice of lifestyle because it suits them. It’s these people who enjoy pushing their own agenda’s on others. 

It is so often these people too who help grow this sense of entitlement within our society. 

No one can stop them influencing you - except you.

In the next few lines of text, I'm going to try and help you if you have been influenced. If you haven't, hopefully the stuff I've written below might help you help someone you care about who has been.

First things first - no one just wakes up and thinks to themselves that everything should be theirs without having to work for anything unless they've either been influenced, they're a criminal or they're a natural born [insert appropriate swearword starting with an "a" here].

The "my neighbours car should be mine. He's a [swearword] for having it. I deserve it so much more than he does." thinking is just jealously disguised as an over-inflated sense of entitlement, neither of which are helpful in the world, especially in yours.

There are consequences to living this lifestyle with these views. 

Think about this; 
Does that person thinking they deserve their neighbours car just because they think they deserve it, actually deserve that car? 
Do you know how many hours that neighbour had to work to buy that car?
Do you know which of his beloved relatives had to pass away for him to inherit it if he didn't pay for it?
If it was neither, do you know how often he had to play the lottery to win it?
Or how hard he had to work at his job to win it?

The more people who believe the negative way of life and get others on-board to align themselves to it, the better those people pushing it stand to gain and the more worthless asking any questions like the above become. 

Questions like that will never come into a good argument for self entitlement because logic gets in the way of it.

The influencing peddlers revel in the entitlement for themselves and push it onto others minus any sound logic so that they can feel more important and get everything they want without having to work for them and for you.

Their jealousy gets sated quickly because they get the drama to feed on. But they are never sated for long. 

These people are dangerous to your current happiness and well-being.

These people are often the ones too who seem to know all the short cuts in the world to get what they want - most of the time at the expense of others.

Do you think this is the right way to live? Should you get everything you want at the expense of others? Right now I'm hoping you're saying no.

So let's talk about how these people have such an easy way of getting you on-board with their way of thinking, shall we? I'm betting if you know how, you'll be better prepared to stop them. Or if they've got you under their spell already, shedding some light on them [or darkness as the case may be] will help you see it for what it is.

Their methodology is simple. Negativity is easier to swallow than positivity is. You want to buy in to what they're saying because they will sell it to you with benefits for you.

You don’t believe me about negativity being more palatable?  

Try this on for size.

Let’s pretend you and I are talking in a room, it’s a work meeting but it’s relaxed, having a hot drink or something together. We're talking about your performance in your job.

We are in this room for an hour. During this time I tell you the following things;

  1.  I think you are an amazing employee, the majority of work you do is brilliant and here is the proof. Well done you!

  2.       You handled that issue last week really really well, I’m very impressed. I've told my boss too. 

  3.       Thank you for doing that job I asked you to do yesterday, you made my day by taking that off me. You reduced my stress levels by helping. Thank you.

  4.       I hear mostly great things from your team mates about you, they think you’re incredible!

  5.       The project you have done is outstanding, I am recommending you for a promotion

  6.       I am concerned about that last customer you dealt with, I’m not sure you handled it quite correctly but I’m sure it will turn out great.

       

Now, quick question. What will you now be focused on when we leave that room?  

I'm betting its;

"What did he mean the “majority “of my work is brilliant, what about the minority?"

"What did he mean “mostly” good things? There is stuff I don’t do well?"

"I now need to go look at what I did with that customer and see what I might have done wrong."

Not any of the amazingly cool things I said to you about pushing you up for a promotion, how awesome you are, how great you're doing or how all your team mates think you're incredible. You would miss all of that.

Your self esteem wants to hear that bad stuff, it wants to be undermined, wants to know how bad you really are because your self esteem is managed by your doubts, your fears and how you view the world. All of a sudden, you're not good enough any more.

MAAAAAAAAAEEEER [negative buzzer]

Wrong. You're just as good as you've always been, in this case, you're doing awesome. 
BUT YOU JUST CAN'T HEAR IT.

And this is your proof - Negativity is easier to swallow than positivity is.

Negativity through Entitlement is often a play on our core doubts - am I good enough, am I smart enough, pretty enough, handsome enough, a good enough parent, good enough sportsman etc. 

And that’s what these people who love drama and negativity feed on and what they use to bring you in – your ability to swallow their lines and be eager to lap up more. 

They are praying on your self-doubts. 

So what's your greatest weapon against them?

It's your confidence. Don't be suckered in to their way of thinking. Learn to identify when someone is trying to suck you in. Then stick to your own guns. It's your life, your right to choose your own opinions.

Listen for things like "that's not right, you should get more!" or "none of that is fair, you need to be angry!" or "who cares about their feelings, this is all about you!” or "This is not right. You're being taken for a sucker!" or maybe even "You deserve the same, it doesn't matter if you have nothing to do with them/don't like them/aren't there/only talk to them when you want something/aren't there for the bad as well as the good" etc

And stand your ground. I know you can do it. 

So many people - young people more often - are getting caught in this spiral and it's disappointing.

Most of the time these relatively innocents wouldn't have even been thinking anything negative about any of the things life throws at them. 

But with the influencing people in their ears, they soon are. 

After a while, they begin passing this sense on to their friends, then to their own children and the cycle continues.

It's worse when the younger people are trying to understand how the world works and the influencers are right on hand to give them the wrong impressions. 

Again, it is the negative that is easier to swallow, especially when you're young.

Now maybe you're still not 100% convinced how easy it is for these negative peddlers to get you? Let’s try another quick test. 

Please take a look at this picture below.

Do you see this character as being;

HAPPY? 

Or 
SMUG?

If you say happy, there’s lots of hope for you. You can enjoy this characters happiness, nice.

If you say smug however, negativity has caught you, they have you in their deaths-head grip and you’re somehow finding yourself jealous of this imaginary character and you hate him…

Oooo bet you didn't like that line, huh? 

Doesn't this strike you as weird though?  

Why would you hate Mr. Happy?  Ask yourself. Now.

Regardless of your answer, dont panic though, there is still hope for you. 

If you can get over yourself and entertain the idea that you might be wrong in how you look at the world and that you may have been negatively influenced, then here are some simple ideas I hope you will read, believe and try.
    

     1. You don’t and can’t get what you want just because you think you "deserve" it. The world doesn't work this way. You have to earn EVERYTHING. Positivity will help you.

     2. If you always hang out with the same people, you'll always deal with the same things and never expand your horizons. You may also be stuck seeing the world as you do right now. This could be good if its positive but maybe not so good if there's lots of drama and negativity right now.

     3. Everything must be earned in one way or another - be it things, be it someone's trust, someone's respect, someone’s friendship, someone's thoughts toward you, someone’s love, caring, empathy, the lists are really that endless. [yes, this is the same as point 1 and yes - it is doubly important]

     4. There should also be no “cost” associated against gifts. I for one always buy gifts based on thought, not cash, even for my kids. If I think someone will like it, I’ll get it (if I can). So should you. The “it’s the thought that counts” should be 100% true. Anything else is entitlement - and that's disgusting and wrong when the person who bought it for you put in so much thought to it. You ruin any gift if you think this way.

If you are currently being affected and did see SMUG in that character picture above, please begin thinking about the above and;

About how others feel when you are interacting (or avoiding) with them. 
Maintain an open mind. 
Look toward all situations as half full, never half empty. 
Care for others just because you care, not because there's something in it for you. 
Work towards your goals and expect that you can do it on your own, because you can. 
Don’t be held back by any self-serving selfish people constantly trying to show you their negative ways. 
You can be selfish as long as you are being selfish with your happiness and it doesn't / can't negatively impact others. 
You have a right to be happy - go enjoy that right!
Be humble.
Arrogance is not your friend but confidence is
Oxygen is important - always remember to breathe

So lastly as another eye-opener test, please go take a look around. 

Have you noticed that Positive people tend to do better in life? I'm not talking money right now, I'm talking actual happiness. Even when the shit hits the fan, they are often able to better cope because they can often stop themselves falling into that negativity pit of darkness or can quickly climb their way back out.

The positive guys and girls who try to look at the world with their positive slants tend to live much happier (and yes, as a result often monetarily richer) lives. 

But why?

Again, simple answer. Positive people are far more popular to interact with, even though negativity is far easier to swallow. 

How many difficult negative people do you get to choose to keep in your life? 
Not many, right? 

How many happy ones do you have?
Good question to ask.

And here's another solid truth that needs to be said.

“Once you learn how to be happy, you won’t tolerate being around people who make you feel anything less”

So regardless of who you are, where you are, how you are, I would also like to suggest that you do your best to surround yourself with people who reflect who you want to be and how you want to feel. 

That kind of stuff is contagious too. 

Sometimes more so than any of that bitter, jealous negativity coming your way.

Trust me on this.

Ditch any sense of entitlement you might have. Kick your negativity, your jealousy and  those people trying to influence you negatively off to the curb. 

You don't need them in your ears. 
Put your fingers in them instead. Just like below.  

Have a great day.

Heart strings.

Now I'm not one for being all gushy and emotional generally but I got this email from Treys teacher out of the blue. 

Welled me up, I dont mind admitting.

"Hi Darren,
I am Trey’s PE and Health teacher and I just thought I would share this with you. He wrote this in class today and I thought it was very cool….. I would like to know this if my children ever wrote this about me smile emoticon You must be doing something right Dad smile emoticon

Marnie Grant"

I just found the moment that every parent prays for. 

I love my son x

Welcome to Exile island. We don’t drink wee here.

Shopping.

Yup, handing over hard earned cash for stuff.  Most men hate it (or at least say they do).

Shopping with your significant other has always been known as one of the “I must avoid at all costs” frustrations for us men, not an adventure in retail therapy at all.  Hours of standing awkwardly amongst lingerie, trying to smile politely at other women who just want you out of their shop, sweating when your partner is asking you if her bum does indeed look big in those pants, ducking for cover if any of your mates pass by, not to mention those moments of horror when you accidentally knock something pretty and frilly off of a hanger or rack and everyone in the shop is looking at you.

Yes, we've all been there.

We men are not built to be in ladies undie and clothes shops. We’re just too big.

Now I like to think that I’m pretty accommodating to my lovely lady as the proverbial carry the bags kinda guy I can be when I feel like it.  

Y’see my fiancé does love to shop. She's also exceptionally good at it, ridiculously good in fact...like a "Shopping Professor" good. She could teach others.

Now me, I am not a “I like shopping” kinda guy. 

I tolerate it and am happy helping Andrea figure out if she likes something or if she wants to look nice for me that I like her in whatever it might be. It works for us and we have a laugh along the way.

For any shopping I need to do, I figure out what I need, find out exactly where it is (departments stores I even find out what isle), how much it is exactly and then go there.

In - get item - pay - get out.  Military precision.  

For single items I’m in and out in less than 5 minutes. Even stereo amps. Because I have planned and done my research. 

Minimal fuss, rock'n'roll.

My fiancé however is a lady who is in her element shopping in physical shops, online shops, 2^nd hand goods shops and even road side shops, zero planning involved.  It actually relaxes her. 

She is also able to shop amongst friends, sell items that are no longer working so that she can then replace them by shopping for better things, is able to justify every single purchase (not that she has to) and who uses statement’s such as “cost per wear” and “if you don’t absolutely love it, don’t buy it” which I am convinced is the battle cry of some ancient mythical shopping warrior archaeologists haven’t uncovered yet. I’d bet if they do find one, it’ll have a handbag made of woolly mammoth with perhaps tasteful Sabre tooth tiger claw clasps and be able to hold something akin to Doctor Who’s time travelling Tardis.  

It’s an incredible talent (no sarcasm here, I'm truly impressed).

This skill of hers (like so many other shopping warriors around the world) has come from literally years of practice, likely even decades.

Now occasionally – like this weekend just been – I decide to ride shot-gun. I threw caution to the wind and got my “side-kick” on to her “superhero shopper” powers. We had no kids, so off to the mall we went. I even suggested it. So brave.

Now a key point to mention here: I am certain that I am one of the lucky ones. My fiancé is not like other women as far as I can see, she’s special. No, I don't mean helmet on to stop her licking the windows special, I mean she's rare and actually special.  

Y’see when she is in her shopping buzz, she is quite happy if I wander off, stay with her or even cause mischief as I so often do – think alphabet letters individually for sale perhaps rearranging themselves into words or putting odd (read awkward) items into people’s shopping trolleys.  I shall say no more. Sure, she gets embarrassed but she never growls.

Whilst out on this shopping journey to Bayfair Shopping Centre, for a brief half hour I had wandered off and was heading back to the shop I had last left her in. Crossing the Mall floor, I briefly re- joined a fraternity for 15 minutes that I had visited often in my past, even when as young as a child with my Mum. 

It is an ancient fraternity of males – of suffering, despondent males. Sometimes children will join up too, but mainly because they are with their father's, grandfathers, older brothers or uncles. It is a male dominated fraternity.

These men come together in times of need, banding together like warriors of old who have lost their fights, men who have simply given up and have resigned themselves to the fact they must remember to eat and drink at regular intervals whilst here as they wait for their partners to return, or perhaps they will not survive. It is a dark time for the lost ones. When there is more than one outside any given shop, the men will band together for safety.

Now in this particular mall, there is seating outside of Glassons - a clothing store.

Say hello to an actual “Exile Island”. No, it is not a myth after all. If you live in Tauranga, go look for yourself.

Now let me explain - this is not just an island in Mount Maunganui. No. Every mall you go into, have a brief look around outside of women’s clothes shops and you'll see.

You’ll see the men there, leaning outside of shops, trying not to look sad, just trying to survive long enough until they’re dragged off to the next shop they probably won’t go into either.  

Max, Bendon, Cotton On, Esprit, Valley girl, the lists are endless just as are the men hovering around outside of each one trying desperately to not look like perverts as they wait for their wives, girlfriends or daughters.

Back to the exile island I found. There were three men already on the couch outside Glassons when I decided to stop and visit. The nods of greetings were all the same as I had expected as I sat down and became a part of this fraternity. These were the expressions of men who had been waiting here forever, too afraid to move away because they would be forever lost here, waiting for so long they had begun to lose hope.

Today was to be the day I would try and change this.

We all sat in silence for the first few minutes, half-hearted smiles exchanged with each other. I watched these men watching the people passing by, so often they were sparing a secretive glance at some woman’s bottom, short skirt or boobs, but not to ogle or be gross, but to simply occupy themselves. The looks in their eyes had nothing sexual in them, they were simply looking, all lustful thoughts vanquished the moment they resigned themselves to sit here. It is a strange life on the island, seconds can feel like 10 minutes each.

Yes.  Island time is indeed quite different from normal time. Try it and see.

Eventually one of the older men, his wife returned to collect him. His smile was huge on seeing her, much like a neglected puppy that see’s its owner after a few hours. He was ecstatic, his happiness huge as he got up and welcomed her with 2 hands, the two of them setting off hand in hand. A quick look around I could see the two other men were jealous, wishing it was them instead of him.

I had found my moment. I decided this was the perfect moment to cheer.

And Exile island’s mood for us - the stranded - instantly changed. Even the departing man threw his fist up in success.

Much laughing and comradery ensued as another man was collected and the two of us remaining cheered for him too.

Over the course of the next 10 minutes, another man turned up and left and eventually after more cheering, I was the only one left on the island. 

All those poor guys had finally been collected and (probably) for a change, hadn't felt so bad for being stuck there.

I can only hope that those three men (and their partners who all looked at me like some crazy escaped mental patient) will remember that day and will be brave enough to pass this on and start the cheering themselves when they see their next exile island forming up.

In every mall, outside almost every woman’s shop, you’ll see them.

So please spare a thought for these troubled souls ladies. Why not tell them as you pass by that "it won’t be long now", reassure them, let them know they’re not invisible anymore.

Together we could change the world and perhaps get every woman’s shop on earth to put in a few men seats inside where it’s warm, out of view and safe, or perhaps they can put a couch outside and they could even charge for coffees.

Join the movement.

Save the shopping side-kicks.  They deserve better.

2 quick questions

Successful people build each other up. 

They motivate, they inspire and push each other.

Unsuccessful people hate, blame and complain.

Quick question # 1

Which type are you surrounded by?

Quick question # 2

More importantly, which one are you?

Have you ever noticed how...

Consider this...

So I have been thinking...yeah I know...dangerous times....

But see I've had this thought, a little random thought. 

Y'see I was on a phone call yesterday, had taken a bite out of an apple whilst on hold (it was a long call). I had plenty of time to finish my mouthful before the person I was talking to came back. 
For whatever reason, I kept holding my apple for the entire duration of that phone call, didn't bother putting it down once - and at the end when I hung up, I noticed something.

And this is where I had this thought.

For arguments sake, forget my phone call and let's say I'm holding an apple up in front of your face. Yep, a regular crispy apple.

Now let's say I ask you; "How heavy is this apple?"

You're going to guess.  Maybe anywhere between 100 grams in the metric system or maybe 3-4 ounces if you're from the States.

Now what say I tell you that no matter how much you determine this apple's weight to be, you will always be wrong - even if you take the apple from me and physically weigh it.

You're going to think I'm mental.  

So what am I on about?

The thing is, the longer you hold that apple, the sooner you will change how you consider it's weight.

To clarify - if you hold that apple up in front of my face for a minute or two, it wont be a problem - right?

But what if you were to hold that apple up in front of my face for an hour? 

Or two hours? 

Or maybe two days straight?

The weight of that apple will not physically change but the longer you hold it, the heavier it will get.

And here's where that thought has come in, knocking around in my back-brain until it's arrived here.

Could this be some kind of analogy for difficulties we all face, for stresses, anxiety's, panic's, worries and concerns?

Why YES!  They are all like this apple!

The longer you hold onto them and the longer you worry about things, the more painful they become and the heavier on you they get.

Remember to put the apples down.

You'll feel better for it.

Conditioning (and no, nothing to do with shampoo)

Hey there you.
Great to see you back.

So I was lucky enough to be shouted the trip of a lifetime for my last birthday (in September) which came to life in Feb this year – off to see 3 of my top 5 vocalists of all time at the Soundwave 2 day music festival in Brisbane by my lovely fiancé (who was coming along too plus with her sister and her fiancé - both of whom are awesome people, am lucky to call them family now).

Many of you may not know, but I've been lead singer in a few bands down through the years – click HERE and HERE to hear some original tracks (quality is a bit shit) – so I've always appreciated amazing singing ranges.  My favourite bands were all playing with their amazing front-men – Faith No More (Mike Patton), Soundgarden (Chris Cornell), Incubus (Brandon Boyd), Smashing Pumpkins (Billy Corgan), Slash (with Miles Kennedy – now number 3) and Papa Roach, only band missing from this incredible line-up were the Foo Fighters. 

Marilyn Manson was present though – crazy dude that guy is…

Having never been to anything larger than an AC-DC concert up in Auckland prior and only making my first overseas trip across the ditch 2 and a bit years ago, you can imagine how excited I was at the prospect of seeing some of the world's greatest rock bands live and in Brisbane no less!

I was all set to become Brisbane's oldest teenager, my voice warmed up and ready to sing on stage if I got the chance. 

It's even quite possible "Oooo yeah!" might've been mentioned more than once.

But I had another few really unusual emotions going on for me too, ones I really wasn't coping too well with beforehand and all because of something called "conditioning" – namely a person's expectations of what should happen in the present and future based on what has already happened in their pasts.

Since September when Andrea gave me the tickets for my birthday - I had been feeling both nervous and a bit of actual fear.  But not because I'd never been to anything like that before, no. New stuff hasn't really ever scared or freaked me out, I've always been a "yup, I'll give it a go" kinda guy.

These emotions were all because this was well beyond my understanding of what I should expect out of life.

Yeah I know. Stupid right?

My expectations of what I should expect and what I should deserve were WAY out of balance with this gift. 

How could I - a rough around the edges, have lived out of my car, people know not to mess with me, have had to ask my Mum for money to put food on my children's table because my well-crazy ex-partner kept stealing all my money and using it to buy beer, been in a bit of trouble, country town martial arts boy who'd been put down for 8 years solid by that ex whenever my confidence grew but is now 43 and so much more grown up and wiser - ever expect to be shouted to Brisbane for a music festival by a woman who loves him that much to save up and do such a thing????

The Answer?  

NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS.

Having dealt with some of this conditioning (no, not all, I still have a way to go) and having had an amazing time, here's where I hope I can help you if you're struggling with your own conditioning issues.

I'm betting so many of you reading this have fought to get by so many times so needlessly, even though at the time it's always seemed 100% legit and the fighting to survive etc necessary.  

Many of you may well still be fighting right now, still be struggling against things you might not need to, some of which maybe your conditioning that has created it (or by those around you), just like I had been led to believe too.

Heads up buddy - your conditioning is messing with you.

So what can you do about it if you are dealing with all that, or if you are even unsure?
Let's start with a question, a question designed to see where your heads at.

Are you putting up a front to protect yourself right now? ​​A mask perhaps, that shields you from the outside world? 

If you are, this is your first clue. Your confidence has been affected. 

Extroverted to over compensate or introverted to protect, doesn't matter. 

Maybe your front isn't as aggressive as mine had been (I was surrounded quite often by people looking to be bullies any chance they got) but maybe yours is comedic so you're being seen as the "funny girl/guy" because you learnt years ago people who gets laughs are popular? And you want to be popular.Maybe you dont sing out loud anymore because someone told you a long time ago you weren't very good. 

Or perhaps you're being that cool chick/dude, putting others down or pointing out people's issues, perhaps making them feel insecure and being rude just because that's how the cool kid at school used to do it and he's/she's still cool?
​

Or maybe you're even stuck living a life you never thought you'd live and you're unhappy but you've just accepted it because every other option toward change is just too hard, or because you just believe this is what you deserve.
Whatever the answer you've come up with, ask these next ones.

Do you deserve to be sad?
Answer? No.

Should you be making others feel bad?
No. And grow, you're not in kindergarten/day-care anymore.


Do you deserve to have a hard life?
No to this one too.


Should your life be a constant struggle?
Ah hell no to this little gem as well.

​If you find you keep wanting to answer yes to any of the above, here's your second clue your conditioning is messing with you. It's likely your view of the world has been screwed up based on whatever has happened to you.


In order to work on what you expect out of life, you need to look at right now - your immediate present and work on answering the following questions.  

Each of them is designed to question your environment and help you become more aware so that changes required become more obvious.

• All of your life circumstances to date have conditioned you to believe a certain way, think a certain way and expect certain things from your life, most of it subconsciously, some of it good, some of it not so good.  And this applies to everyone and no one is exempt.  What do you think would happen, if you stopped thinking that way?

• Can you drop your front/mask? What's the real you look like?

• Are you holding yourself back based on your expectations? Or because of someone else's? Or both?

• When you look around at your circle of friends, are you surrounded by mainly positive people or negative people? You know positivity breeds happiness whereas negativity breeds negativity. Which one are you being most affected by?

• Do you have a person/people in your life that seems to love being seen as a victim? Are they always bringing drama to your life? What would your life be like without them?

• Do you like your job? If yes – GREAT! If not – what do you need to change to help you like it? What parts are good? Can you ask for different things to do?

• What is stopping you believing that you deserve nice things/nice experiences/a nice life?

• The relationship you're in now, do you keep getting told off or asked why you keep reacting badly to things you're expecting to happen but generally don't?

• Do you have the right attitude to succeed? Are your expectations realistic and respectful or are you just demanding and to hell with anyone else?

Now I know some of these are rough in-your-face kinda questions, but sometimes these kinds of questions do have to be asked and asked by YOU. It's the called the mirror effect.

Most importantly you have to be honest in your answers and pursue your own changes otherwise you could be risking continuing to live up to your age-old conditioning…and no one wants that, least of all you.

…Especially when you could be just moments away from changing your whole life...

So I'll leave you here, I wish you the best of good luck my friend, remember to feel free to ask questions if you got 'em.

True story.​