How to handle Conflict - point 3 (the Wayne's World Directive)

Now, this is another long post - so again, make sure you eat and drink at regular intervals, can't have you passing out whilst reading now, can we?

So in conjunction with previous points made in posts 1 and 2, in my experience and for those I have coached, mentored or trained both inside workplaces and outside, it all comes down to one simple trick.

3. "Take Action/Do Something"

aka "the Wayne's World Directive"

Sounds simple enough, right? But what am I actually asking you to do? What do I actually mean? 

And who the hell is Wayne and why does he have his own world?  Greedy. Just so greedy.

Long story short - Wayne was played by actor Mike Myers who had his own 2 x movies about his own cable TV show and life with his friend Garth, going out live from his grandparents basement. It spawned a bunch of social changes, some of which still last today.  

Both movies were 90's comedies and wildly popular – I suggest you get the movies out if it's a rainy day and there is nothing better to do, and I do mean nothing. In the movies, Wayne took very little of life seriously and used the words "dude", "schwiiiing" and "party on" a lot more than you would think possible. 

But as lame as he sounds, you could utilise portions of his behaviour into a method to handle conflict.

I can already hear you; "Wayne's World? Do something? Do what exactly? I'm stressing' out in a conflict I can't handle and you're telling me to copy some crazy Wayne guy from a 90's movie??"

Again, that's a great question you keep asking me. 

The answer is unknown, but frankly...I prefer to think I'm just quirky.  But, coming back on track, as stated in just about every post I've loaded about any of these topics – there is always method in my madness. 

This post is no different so read on…..Dude…..

By following these three points of conflict -

1. Find a way to Calm Down and

2. Be Aware of your surroundings/body language etc and then

3. Do Something

- You essentially start reclaiming some of the situation you originally began feeling powerless within. This simple statement of "Do something" is the key to it all and ties together the first two.

And here is the "Wayne's World Directive" – just like in the movie, the funny thing is, it really doesn't matter what you actually do – you could whistle, raise your hands (like you just don't care), scuff your feet, make faces, use your imagination or perhaps even play air guitar. It is the simple act of "doing something/doing anything" that will be enough to kick-start your mind and body into gear and yank you out of the frozen state that has you panicking.

That nervous energy has to go somewhere, right?

You will essentially start on the journey towards taking the smartest and best course of action based on the conflict you find yourself in.

Make sense? No?  Ok, let's try a scenario. You're Blue Person.

You are walking down empty hallway on your way back to your desk. Orange person (one of your team-mates) enters hallway too, see's you and immediately accuses you of being a suck up. Orange person is obviously quite upset about it, face red.

Orange person is now becoming aggressive and steps in closer to you and begins pointing in accusation. Tension is rising quickly. You still haven't said a word, your mouth too dry. Your heart rate is now beating like a drum and you are starting to sweat. Suddenly your thinking is getting jumbled and you begin to feel really attacked. Sound familiar? Yes? So…now what can you do?

Is this your Wayne moment? Yes - see in red.

Follow the steps we've discussed so far.

1. Find a way to calm down. BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT. Imagine Orange person's swear words are not actually words at all; imagine they are farts or actual beep noises like they use on TV instead. Or duck quacks. Imagine a sign next to their head that says "LAME". It really doesn't matter – you just need to apply something to take the "sting out" of the attack. This simple "keeping your mind busy using your imagination" will aid you in calming down. Humour often works best. Think about the kick boxer who was too afraid to kick box, imagining giant gloves and his own theme music.
2. Check Orange person's body language – the pointing is aggressive – Orange person is attempting to "drive" their point home by accusing you of something they think is disgusting. Imagine them as a cartoon character. Now you can diffuse this situation quite quickly, especially in the workplace. It takes action though – which is point number 3.
3. Do something – Put your hands together and stretch out your fingers, then get your quadriceps muscles on the fronts of your thighs to do a little dance, left then right, repeat. Then you could deliver the following statement in a calm and even tone - "Awh no, what? I certainly haven't been sucking up to anyone, not my style. Can you tell me when you think I was? I'd hate to be thought of like that." – as this will begin to de-escalate the situation.   Alternatively, you could use humour by saying "Yes! Gawd, I was hoping someone would notice! I've also been building a space shuttle out of common household appliances and work stationary, lift off is in 20 minutes….you coming?"

By using the calm, even toned statement would be the best course of action, but I'm guessing you're wondering how this statement would work...

It's surprisingly simple and logical. 

You are asking an upset person (who is feeling most of the same physiological symptoms you were feeling) to slow down, calm down and explain rationally when, how and what has given them grounds to accuse you of such a thing. 

Panic and anger generally cause the same physiological alterations in the body. Think about it.

Beauty of this knowledge means you now know that both can be reversed in much the same ways.

Believe it or not, in most forms of communication, by maintaining a calm disposition yourself, most aggressive/panic/high tension situations will de-escalate as there is a desire for the other person to copy your confident, calm demeanor. It's kinda like the alpha dog syndrome. 

Big dog rules, calmest dog rules.  Weird right? But true.

So, there is your third point. 

You'll have to wait until next post for that, but I welcome all comments regarding what I've put in so far.

Have a good one.