Wednesday, 1 October 2014

Welcome to the wild and weird world of the "Blow Ass"

Hi there! 

Welcome back. 

Jeeeez, feels like its been forever, huh?

Sorry I've been absent from this for a while, been busy at work, my son had the Aims Games (it's like the Olympics for middle school/intermediate kids aged between 11-14) and my family and I have just had a really busy few weeks! Crazy times!

Life right? Yeah. You hear me.

So for today's blog I thought I'd write about a personality type which encompasses two of the most annoying traits of all - attention whore and sycophant - and the best ways to spot them, deal with them and perhaps even enlighten them.


As you may have guessed, I've run into a few of them just lately, hence this topic for the post. Two women, one guy. 

And before you ask, no I'm not going to name and shame them. This blog is designed to help people, not victimise them and as any of you long term readers will have figured out by now, that's not my style here in text or in person.

Now sure, the people I'm referencing may read this and could realise its about them. Seems pretty unlikely though, none of it's flattering. Attention Whores and Sycophants thrive on their own importance, real and imaginary.

Now to clarify, I do have a real preference for when I am experiencing an issue with someone, I deal with them in person. It's an old-skool type preference, taught to me by my Mum and my Grandfather. The reason is simply to be face-to-face so an equal exchange of ideas can happen and so that relationships can be fostered.

It's never for intimidation reasons (unless necessary) and to date, this in person approach has always stood me in good ground with people and garnered me a nice amount of respect.


But it's an approach that doesn't always work out when dealing with an attention whore sycophant - henceforth referred to as "the Blow-Ass". 



In these three peoples cases, I have not addressed the issues with them in person. Nothing to do with not wanting to but everything to do with not being able to based on their geographical locations. 

And no to my team if you're reading this, it's not any of you and no it's not anyone in Oamaru or from there either. 

Disclaimer dealt, moving on.

So a warning point to realise when dealing with these types of personality;

People will either love them (like-minded individuals) or barely tolerate them (me and likely you).  Those of us who barely tolerate them will raise issues with them based simply on our own ideas around fair-play and right and wrong.

The point I'm making here is;


EVERY BLOW ASS NEEDS EAGER SUPPORTERS TO SURVIVE

You see when confronted with issues, the Blow Ass has a need to whip around and gather up their easily influenced and like-minded supporters, especially if they are confronted by something they don't like.

Prime examples are they could get shown an error they have made or have it suggested they need help from someone they consider inferior to them (which is often most people).

This is the moment drama begins.

The Blow Ass will justify their actions amongst the group they create to build near fanatical support. This will often lead to invisible mobs of people who will talk about you (as the raiser of the issue) behind your back, work hard to create lies about you, try to expose any of your flaws and give you filthy looks based primarily on lies and poisoned views the Blow Ass has fed them with.

It's already sounding like these people are HUGE pains in the ass, right?
Yes to that. True freak'n story.

I am convinced that Drama Queens, Liars, Cheats and Blow Ass's are 100% related. Much like the Adams Family only creepier, actually twisted, far stupider than Uncle Fester and probably hairier in the head than cousin "IT".


Blow Ass infections (and yes, it's applicable calling it this) can have long lasting affects on the group they create too, not to mention on circles of friends - sometimes yours - and perhaps even in business cultures.

In my experience, their poisons have a half-life of around a year after a Blow Ass has been removed.

You see the Blow Ass is a relatively adept creature who feeds on drama and praise. Prior to any expulsions, they'll see it coming and take necessary action.

The Blow Ass will have already completed their work by taking revenge on you for daring to raise something they deem you shouldn't have, for you forcing their hand by doing better than them or that you have threatened their position as most awesome person ever by doing something cool.

This raises another another point to understand.


NO BLOW ASS CAN STAND IN A FRIENDS SHADOW WITHOUT TRYING FIRST TO BRING THAT FRIEND DOWN AND RE-ELEVATE THEMSELVES BACK TO AWESOMENESS

This one is almost guaranteed.


If a friend is the cause of their frustration at not being glorified, the Blow Ass will treat the friend as a threat.
When threatened, the Blow Ass will attempt to create more Blow Asses as an automatic defence mechanism - their group of supporters. 

We will hereby refer to these new Blow Ass as the "Infected".
Some of these Infected - dependent on the level of influence the Blow Ass has poisoned them with - will confront you verbally or will physically gang up on you to vehemently defend the good name of the original Blow Ass who infected them - generally because they lose some part of their brains by listening and buying into such dramatic issues.

Here is a key point to know about these Infected however.


AN INFECTED PERSON WILL THROW THEIR BLOW-ASS INTO THE LINE OF FIRE THE MOMENT IT IS ADVANTAGEOUS FOR THEM TO DO SO

The Infected doesn't want to look bad almost as desperately as the Blow Ass didn't want to. 
The relationship between the Blow Ass and his or her league of Infected converts then becomes tenuous at best.

Handy piece of info if you have to deal with a bunch of Infected right?

Trust me, this bit of information combined with some of the stuff you'll read further down, will enable you to protect yourself and begin teaching an Infected the error of their ways. 


You will feel more confident dealing with them and become much more experienced and confident dealing with any future Blow Ass too.

Eventually you'll be able to spot them and stop them. 
Satisfaction guaranteed.

But unfortunately it's not going to be all come at me bro' and you win, noooooooo. 

Sorry to say but there's not too many fluffy cuddly bunnies and pink woolly slippers in this little story either... 

Blow Ass and their rancid Infected will play dirty. 


They will try to play toward your insecurities every single time and make you feel like you might just be as bad as they are. They will insult you, they will use any means necessary - including guilt trips and comparing you to others - to show you how bad you are and how you have to doubt yourself. 

They want you to be wrong because there is no way that they could be.

Every Blow Ass knows that doubt is the mind-killer and that by making you feel it, they can stop you acting confidently.

And here is the reason.


Confidence is your one and only weapon 

A lack of confidence will have them climb up and over you, thus bringing you into their Infected group or alienating you from your peers and causing you more problems than they are worth.

Make no mistake - BLOW ASSES ARE DANGEROUS.

This danger comes direct from their desire to have you admit you are wrong rather than them and is simply based around another key attribute of a Blow Ass. 


They can't ever take responsibility for their actions or their part in any actions. They believe they are always right and faultless.

IT'S ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE'S FAULT, NOT THEIRS. 
NOT EVER.

Thankfully with good intentions, an Infected can be saved from this way of thinking. 

The Blow Ass however - not a chance.

To rescue an Infected individual will generally take you prodding them to see the error of their ways, giving them some space if they flare up, and time. The Infected individual will always need time after they have been acting poorly.


Once time and space have been observed, you will often see that the Infected will realise that the truths they have been led to believe so majestically, are not real truths at all.

With you staying confident and staying true to yourself, any Infected individual can be brought back around to normal un-infected thinking and allow them the ability to see you for who you are, not what the Blow Ass wanted you to be seen as.

An Infected can - as long as the infectious Blow Ass has been contained - become un-infected and lead a normal healthy life.


Now finally, I thought it would be a good idea to provide you with a few further tips to assist you in the good fight against these Attention seeking whores and sycophants.

I understand that the process of taking control in situations involving the Blow Ass or Infected can be stress provoking and uncomfortable if you let it. 

So try a few of these on for size.

  1. The Blow Ass/Infected need to be kept at arms length - if you let them continue to rule discussions, be involved in your life somehow, take over meetings, fight to remain as the centre of attention for any and all interactions with you and those around you - you risk having those around you becoming Infected too. That can then put you in the minority and at risk.  
  2. Blow Ass's don't let up. It is their way of life. Knowing this gives you options on how to divert their attention away from you and how to ensure that when you raise issues, you have all your i's dotted and t's crossed. Over-prepare, not under. Blow Ass are slippery fuckers.
  3. Blow Ass and Infected individuals will turn any conversations (even ones they are not a part of) towards themselves. How often have you heard about how great someone is from themselves, how legendary someone is from that very person, how they always have a better story than the one you just told, how they say how everyone thinks they're just so incredibly amazing? Know your topic or know theirs. Truth is the leveler.
  4. Never rely on a Blow Ass. They will always let you down and blame someone else. Have a back up plan if you have no other choice.
  5. Be confident in who you are and what you stand for. Confidence is your greatest weapon. Not even the Infected will be able to rock you.

Like I've stated in previous posts - Negativity is a virus and it will spread quickly given the right environment to do so. It is always up to you to make sure this environment never gets wings.

Something I haven't mentioned in prior posts though is that Negativity is generally spread by the infectious method of the Blow Ass.


True story my friend.

Like I stated earlier - Blow Ass are dangerous individuals.

And the reason for this is simple.  Above all else there is one over-arching desire that the Blow Ass finds themselves unable to let go of.  It is the one thing that drives them to be a Blow Ass in the first place.


THEY HAVE TO BE PERCEIVED BY OTHERS AS BETTER THAN YOU.

Especially if they have tried to infest your life.

Again, handy information to be armed with, wouldn't you say?


By knowing this, you can protect yourself from falling into the trap like the "Infected" and avoid being a target for their "I will insert myself into every facet of your life" method. 

The above items will also teach you that all Infected individuals will be told that what you have done - whatever it might be and real or fake - has to be over-dramatised and terrible.

The trick is to just be awesome, confident and understanding and the bullshit and lies won't have anything to stick to. The Blow Ass will have to work even harder to keep his/her flock interested.

If you are of influence, have said something nice to them in the past or have been understanding, if you can be used for future gain or are considered worthy enough to be connected with, the Blow Ass will target you by singling you out as a potential candidate for friendship by firstly plying you with gifts - often excessive but always public - and inserting themselves into as much of your life as they can to the point they begin trying to organise you. If you are connected with someone of power too - you will be a target.  Be wary.

They will run down others seen as potential threats, will over-state how close the two of you are and will guide you away from anything that might out-shine them. Most noticeable will be the attempt to get you to be their "OMG - YES, YOU ARE SO AMAZING" personal cheer squad.
THE BLOW ASS DOES NEED TO BE CONSTANTLY VALIDATED.

So guess what happens when they aren't....

In almost every case they will loose power, force themselves into a corner to the point they will have no other option than to remove themselves from the situation and seek out more agree-able people they can convince and pal up with.

So that's it!

I've tried my best to open up the world of the sycophantic attention whore to you from what I have observed and learnt, hopefully enough for some of yo out there in "I feel like reading a blog" world.

Your best course of action to combat the Blow Ass and his/her Infected is to be aware of them and treat them accordingly.

Simply put, be that little bit more prepared if you have to put a stop to them and un-infect their followers by being you. Cut them off and stop validating them, let them realise that the life of a Blow Ass is not acceptable around you.

Good luck and keep up the fight.